“The great duvet of uncertainty has finally been thrown aside revealing the bed sheet of serenity….and couple of nasty stains !”


The preparations for the 2017 Portugal Tour are now seriously under way. The final piece of the jigsaw is now in place and the Rooms Of Gloom issues finally sorted. A diagrammatic view of who is passing out where is set out below.


More serious is the Golf booking situation  where Oceanico having sold their Vilamoura courses to their ex chairman have now adopted a new level of customer disinterest. Most recent communication concerning our request for sensible Tee times, those would be times that are not at 8.30 am or 3.30 pm, has been met with the statement that:


” We regret to inform that golf courses are fully booked. Please contact us later on to check again.”


On further investigation this is exactly what they said last year ! Nevertheless the  champion negotiator “Hoppy the rather annoying grumpy git” is on the case. Apparently Hoppy is now using the clever tactic of “Please let me give you £3000”. If this fails he will move on to that well known deal maker “Look do you want our friggin money or not you twat !

We are reliably informed that he is seeking an early resolution, in a statement Hoppy said:

“Look, what is going on , is it me! Every bloody year ! These Oceanico guys are now using very clever strategies and I fear they have hired a “Sales Prevention Officer” . But never fear when it comes to spending other peoples money I am your man. If all else fails we may fall back to the “Vilamoura Greco Roman Crazy Putt Putt” which sadly is actually more expensive than the Faldo course!”

Further developments are expected shortly. Hoppy also commented: “All I am worried about is getting the money out of the bloody competitors ! But don’t print that will you!”