The Runners & Riders Electoral Special 2015
Vote Now or Get A Slap!

  • The Players Candidates

  • Biffa Amos

The Green Party

–Used to be Fairway Party but has not been seen on a fairway for some years.

In the event of a Hung Parliament.

–Well man, We are cool and we will work with everyone man just to make the world a more beautiful place wow and far out man (Is the  Hippy Party now?) .

  • Peter (Pistol) Crowhurst

Plaid Cymru (Welsh Tossers)

–A man of the valleys, and streams and bunkers and trees as well “boyo”.

In the event of a Hung Parliament.

–In the event of a hung parliament we will immediately form a Choir and sing our way to a better world. Shirley Bassey will be home secretary and Sir Tom will be The Chancellor. It will be bloody glorious boyo! We will get them pits open and re live the halcyon days of Aber Van and the glory of the Rhonda . If we had to form a coalition we would gladly work with the Mostly Raving Loonies because they are as fucking mad as we are, isn’t it, was’ nt it!

  • Hoppy Dearsley

Mostly Raving Looney Party

–Now listen what you don’t understand is that where I am coming from is really important and the main thing is , is that you don’t understand…………and so on and on and on ……

  • Sir Michael King

Labour Party

–I will introduce a “No Gimme” Zone across the whole of the UK and Europe and Mats are right out and Breakfast is on me …No its Not!…….and Curry is what we are having!

  • In the event of a Hung Parliament.

–I will not even talk to them Scots nutters even if they let me cook breakfast. Lord Chilly and his lot can get stuffed but I may make a play for the lovely Nigel’s Gay Rights boys. I have always enjoyed my feminine side even though in my case my feminine side is Mrs Welder! The Welsh boys may be invited into my fold as I have always been fond of sheep and Sir Tom can bang out a good tune if we get a bit bored! As for the UKIP boys ! I’d rather play off the fuckin mats.

  • The Right Honourable Lord Chilly of N T Whistle

Conservative Party

–I fully understand the plight of the working man, who ever he is and I will implement work for every working man, digging my garden, doing my shopping, carrying my clubs. These are all important and worthwhile jobs!

In the event of a Hung Parliament.

–Well if it were to be a well hung parliament then  the gay boys would be happy eh eh Know what I mean. No but seriously  would we not form a Government with any of these complete dick brains , never under any circumstances it is out of the question completely. Unless of course it meant I could loose my seat then we would in a sensible and considered manner weigh up the options and in the sprit of fairness and what is right for the country do a deal with any of the bastards.

The Right Reverend Nigel Carby Esq

  • Gay Rights Party (That’s Gay not Paedophile OK!)
    • We demand full rights for the gay man and eerrr… women, and no you can’t watch. Oh Ok a bit.
    • In the event of a Hung Parliament.
    • Has the well hung joke been done? That being the case we would have to consider the policies of the other parties and obviously what they are wearing. The SNP….the kilt very popular now brings out the knees very nice, Green Party ….always trendy , beads etc. But UKRAP never.. Blazers, Cardigans you must be completely off your trolley. We would rather spend a week in Barnsley, wherever that is!

Slop O’Rushall

  • UKIP (Useless Kretins in Parliament Party)
    • We will remove all immigrants from the UK! Immediately! Eeeerrr..except for those playing for Man City and eeeerrr… Chelsea and eeeerr…Arsenal and eeerrr.. The Doctors! but apart from them All of em!
    • Mine’s a pint!
    • In the event of a Hung Parliament.
    • We are a party of Principles and therefore any considerations of forming a coalition government would follow steps as set out in our UKIP Constitution:
    • Step 1. Look up on Google what “coalition” means
    • Step 2. Phone up the Gay Party and tell them to Fuck Off because they are a bunch of friggin Queers.
    • Step 3. Speak to Lord Chilly to see if he has any clue as to what is going on.
    • Step 4. Call round to the Gay Party HQ and piss through their letter box.
    • Step 5. Do exactly what Lord Chilly wants as long as it doesn’t involve any foreigners.
    • Step 6. Errrr there is no Step 6.
  • Step 7. Or 7 for that matter.

MK Seve

  • SNP – Scottish Nutter Party

    • We believe in fairness across the border but mostly on our side. Basically you Brits can Fuck Off as far as we are concerned. But we welcome the chance to help any other Party govern the country in a fair and equal manner, as long as we can have another referendum and another and another and another until we win! You English bastards!