Following on from the news that the Portugal Tour would possibly not go ahead as planned, in a shock move today Kevin Shorrocks announced that “By Default” he would be the winner of “All” the 2020 Portugal Tour Competitions.

At a hurriedly convened press conference (virtual obviously) Kevin Shorrocks, better known as Big “K” founder of Shorrocks Industries, spoke to the world press from his Portuguese Compound:

“I have just been discussing various topics with my lawyer and he has cleverly pointed out that it is going to be very difficult if not impossible for any of the Portugal Tour players to actually make it to The Algarve this year.

It thereby follows that as I am the only player who is in the vicinity and capable of playing on the chosen courses all I have to do is score just 1 point on any of the chosen courses on the chosen day and ALL of the Trophies, prize money, adulation and victorious smugness will be mine !

My lawyers are currently checking the detailed rules and regulations  with Hoppy Dearsley, who does that sort of thing apparently, and I don’t think it will take long for them to announce that I have the chance of winning the lot !”

It was at this point that the event was interrupted by a particularly annoyed MK Seve:


“Oi ! Brain Damage ! Where Oh Where do you think you are going with this ?? !” shouted MK from his Seychelles Isolation Camp. “Just get back in your box Shorrocks !”


At this point the press conference erupted into turmoil and the transmission was cut short.

Watch this space for further news.


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Big “K” Shorrocks celebrating his proposed Portugal Tour and Super Bock Steaks default win earlier today.