Dear Dr Biff, What about the Dark Matter?

Dear Dr Biff,

What about the Dark Matter? I have been reading lately that most of the Universe is made up of  Dark Matter? The problem is that you can’t see, touch or smell it or hear it for that matter. So what effect is it having on my Golf ? If this stuff is all over the place it must be the reason that McKilroy’s ball travels 350 yards off the tee and mine only goes 180 yards, on a good day. So Dr Biff what should I do ?

Dr Pepper (MIT) by e mail.



Dear Dr Pepper,

Firstly cop this:

Relative masses of subatomic particles

Name of particle

Relative mass






Very small (1/1836)

Now cop this:

Supersymmetric Partner Particles occur in every walk of life my favorites are set out below:

1. Photino  – This a particle which takes many bad photos – Nigel

2. Wino – obviously Hoppy

3. Sleptons – always reminds me of Slop

4. Glunio – Likes a bit of glue – Chilly

5. Zino – Spins slightly faster than most – Myself Dr Biff

6. Chargino – Kingey – always check your invoice

7. Squarks – this is Welsh for Pistol as in Pete

8. Higgsino – Named after an old relative of MK Seve (Bert Higgs)

And there you have it Dark Matter no problem.

My new paper on the subject, due to be published in that well known Scientific journal “Health & Efficiency” , covers all of the main points and concludes with the prediction of the existence of I.D. Matter which solves this tricky problem.

I.D. standing for “It Does’nt”.

So relax and lets move on. The reason why McKilroy’s ball travels further and faster than yours is actually because he is just very lucky.

So there you have it.

Best regards

Dr Biff

P.S. Don’t get me started on WIMPS.

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