Dear Sir
My new handicap for the Tuesday golf is 29. It is a very generous mark but I am afraid I can’t accept.
28 is embarrassing and I do feel insecure with it. As the season progresses I will be trying my level best to get that 28 down.
Thanking you with anticipation.
MKSeve by e – mail (real name and address withheld for security reasons.


My Dear Mr Hawtry,

Fear not ! As the Lord has written “Thou shalt not be allowed more than the 28 shots” and believe me he wasn’t talking about Vodka !

Many of the great men of God whom I have spoken with over the years have concerned them selves with the magic of the number 28.

In nuclear physics, a magic number is a number of nucleons (either protons or neutrons, separately) such that they are arranged into complete shells within the atomic nucleus. The seven most widely recognized magic numbers as of 2007 are 2, 8, 20,28, 50, 82, and 126 (sequence A018226 in the OEIS).

In 2007, Jozsef Garai from Florida International University proposed a mathematical formula describing the periodicity of the nucleus in the periodic system based on the double tetrahedron. But he was obviously off his tits at the time.

Go forth my son and reduce the number in the best fashion that you can and behold thou shalt whack the ball in a holy and righteous manner.

I will say words of prayer for you.

All the best,



Ps I will also get the twat who does the Tuesday golf handicaps to re programme the computer so you never get more than 28 in the future. You can’t get the bloody staff nowadays , not since bloody Brexit. But don’t get me started.