Dear Nigel,

I have recently read that Daniel Craig is soon to give up the role of James Band. Is it true that your name is high on the list for this famous role.

My wife , who incidentally often meets the Broccoli family  down at the shops, says that the gossip she picks up when shopping with the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studio executives puts you “well in the frame”. Please let us know whether or not these rumours are true and if Bond will be playing golf in the new movie.

My wife would also like to ask if you could spare some Bisto or OxO cubes as she is trying to make the gravy but cannot find either of these two main ingredients.

Daniel of London (name withheld)


“Nigel Says”

Dear Daniel,

Fuck Off You Twat!

 PS. I do have some Asda Gravy granules, when I am next in London I will pop them in.


Do you have a Golfing problem.

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