Dear Uncle Nigel,

I am furious.

A formal, official and nothing short of viciously irate complaint is registered regarding the unbelievably inadequate award for nearest the pin on the 9th at Belvedere.

The aforesaid issue had been raised with the twat who runs this stuff privately to no avail, other than agreement and that compensation would be forthcoming…’in the fullness of time’……

A dangerous and inappropriate approach for a 77 year old pensioner already living way beyond his means being forced to pay way over the market rate for an old tech, passed its prime coal gas fired golf buggy despite whilst having an entirely inadequate fixed income

Nearest the pin on a 219 yard hole, into the wind and uphill is an extraordinary feat and demands an appropriate award.

Since the ‘nearest the pin’ fund was set at 75 British Pounds….also underfunded……the only possible equitable solution should be based on Pence over yard.

This amounts to 4.244482p. At 219 yards this amounts to 9.29541596 British Pounds.

The uphill nature of the par 3 hole….unique in the competition….together with the prevailing wind…whoever left it there…….demands an additional factoring of times 8.48377756 thereby increasing the award to 78.8602413 British Pounds…..there you are,

I said the kitty was underfunded.

This complaint has absolutely nothing to do with the misspelling of the said complainer’s name….Mickey!!!!!!!….

Yours MIKEY.

Full name and address withheld for security reasons.



Dear Mickey,

Fuck Off you Twat !



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