Dear Uncle Nigel,

I have noticed that the race to be leader of the Conservative Party and our new Prime Minister is well underway but as yet your name has not been mentioned , why is this ?


Obviously I realise that you like to keep a low profile but my wife says that this is the opportunity that we and you have been waiting for.


She says that compared to Boris Johnson you are an upstanding citizen and a stalwart of society and far better qualified to lead us on a journey into the unknown and certain disaster than he is.


Vernon  down the pub thinks that Micheal Gove would be a fine Leader but once again compared with you he is a Public School Nonce ! Fair enough you have never snorted Cocaine but you did mistakenly stick some Ariel up your nose when washing your underwear once, which counts as the same.


I noticed that some of the candidates are women !…………….Well that’s not going to happen is it !


My Sister in Law is a big fan of Rory Stewart but she also thinks that Sajid Javid is a medical condition, in fact she once had some ointment for it !


Come on Nige,

Get on the case !

It is at times like this that the country needs a man of you calibre to stand up and be counted, just think if it all goes tits up you can just do what Cameron did and go on holiday with your mates, and still get a hefty pension !


As General MacArthur  used to say: ““We are not retreating – we are advancing in another Direction”


We will all vote for you !

Best regards,

Jonny Harmsworth – (address not supplied)




Dear Jonny,

Fuck Off you Twat !

PS- Call that a news empire ?


Do you have a Golfing problem.

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