Dear Uncle Nigel,

My golf swing is suffering at the moment and I put this issue down to the added tension of a possible European conflict !

To be fair I have only recently recovered from the last bloody shebang !  Bloody Hitler eh ! We showed that twat what for !

But Nigel, old son, what is going on !

We can’t have nob heads running around invading countries willy bloody nilly !

It’s OK of course if we do it visa vis Afghanistan or Iraq or Wales but the bloody Ruskies can buggar off !

And the cost of petrol is going bananas , it is all adding to my stress levels and upsetting my golf.

Cedric down the pub says  that this will be the new norm. But Norm does not agree. He says its Cold War all over again.

Nigel, get a grip ! Have a word with the boy Vlad and tell him to stop messing about or …………….. well just tell him !!

All the best,

Angel Merkel (retired and in a bunker)  by e mail.


Dear Angela,

Fuck Off you Twat !

(missing you xx)


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