Dear Auntie Nigel ( I know your dirty secret),
Unlike one of your previous correspondents, I really am about to embark on a tour of Asia. I’m worried about giving the Corona Virus to all the old & infirm people on the Portugal Tour.
I am therefore prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice and occupy the most luxurious single room in the holiday complex in order to isolate myself from all those at risk.
I will, therefore, not need to participate in “The Rooms of Gloom!”, much to my consternation.
Can we please keep this just between you & I, so that my fellow tourists will not shower me with gifts & money in recognition of my enormous dick. Sorry sacrifice (damn predictive text).
Thanking you in anticipation.
Big Chill. (Full made up name and address supplied)
Fuck Off you Twat !
p.s Your secret is safe with me but maybe not so with the people I tell !