Dear Auntie Nigel ( I know your dirty secret),


Unlike one of your previous correspondents, I really am about to embark on a tour of Asia. I’m worried about giving the Corona Virus to all the old & infirm people on the Portugal Tour.


I am therefore prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice and occupy the most luxurious single room in the holiday complex in order to isolate myself from all those at risk.

I will, therefore, not need to participate in “The Rooms of Gloom!”, much to my consternation.


Can we please keep this just between you & I, so that my fellow tourists will not shower me with gifts & money in recognition of my enormous dick. Sorry sacrifice (damn predictive text).


Thanking you in anticipation.


Big Chill. (Full made up name and address supplied)



Dear Big,

Fuck Off you Twat !

p.s Your secret is safe with me but maybe not so with the people I tell  !


Do you have a Golfing or Gloom problem.

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