Dear Uncle Nigel,

Here we are December again and the question that is still on everyone’s mind is, is there actually a Father Christmas ?

I have been studying the phenomena of Santa Claus for some considerable time, 2000 years as it happens, and it has come to my attention that Father Christmas is up there amongst the most popular of fictional characters.

I have managed to compile a list of the top 10 global fictional characters over the past 2000 years:

  1. Nigel Carby

  2. God (This includes all known Gods, or imagined as the case maybe)

  3. Luke Skywalker

  4. Satan

  5. Father Christmas

  6. The Boogie Man

  7. Fred Flintsone

  8. Sherlock Holmes

  9. Donald Trump

  10. Darcy Bussell

As you can see this deep and well documented research has once again come up with You as the Number 1  fictional character since the year 0 !

Most of the thinking people in the northern hemisphere are now starting to realise the implications of this fact. Sadly I am not one of them.

Vernon down the pub says that this phenomenon is caused by mass hysteria and the over use of steroids. My wife  is convinced that Fred Flintstone is not a fictional character and therefore should not even be on the list.

Uncle Nigel, what is occurring, surely we should be told ?

V. Cable. by e-mail.




Dear Vince,

Fuck Off you Twat

PS: Call that a party ?


Do you have a Golfing problem.

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