Dear Uncle Nigel,
My wife and I have just returned from the new Mary Poppins film and we are so pleased that you have the starring roll. We were not fooled by the fact that Emily Blunt was billed in the leading role. You were great, you sang, you danced, you flew, we were mesmerised.
My wife thought you were better than that Julie Andrews, but I can’t remember that far back.
Ursula down the pub says that we are obviously overwhelmed by your performance although she was also keen to point out that we haven’t taken our medication for 2 weeks.
Others in the Cinema became a little annoyed when we cheered and waved whenever you were on screen but for us it added to the fun.
When eventually we were taken away we were emotionally exhausted but the people at the A&E were very sympathetic.
Are you going to be in the re make of our other favourite musical A Bridge To Far ?
Looking forward to 1999 or 2019 as well.
All the best,
Nigel Farage . BBC Fuckwit of the Year 2018 – by e-mail
Fuck Off You Twat !