Dear Uncle Nigel,

My wife and I have been feeling very worried of late. What with the well known nutter Dom Cummings running the country and the boy Trump blowing up Iranian Generals what next ?

My wife says that I should give up golf immediately and start working on the construction of a nuclear bunker in the garden.

Would this be a wise move ?

Norman my next door neighbour says that if do build a nuclear bunker it better fit in with the surrounding landscape and if it doesn’t he will come round and set it on fire !

I have explained that it will be a nuclear bunker and built to withstand a 20 Megaton bomb blast at a distance of 10 miles, so his efforts to burn it down may be just a futile gesture.

Nevertheless I am now living with this increased threat level and my personal paranoia intensity is off the scale.

Doreen, who is Norman’s lovely wife, has asked me, albeit in secret, if she can join us in the bunker should the boy Trump unleash Armageddon.

If I do let her join us she has offered to do a herbaceous border around the concrete blast doors.

What a dilemma. Of course I am very happy to welcome her into our shelter, without Norman obviously but ! Herbaceous border !!

I don’t think so !

I was hoping for a shrubbery and perhaps a decorative rose arch !

These little things are very important and I want to get it right !

You don’t build a nuclear bunker everyday do you !

We were both very pleased to see your Christmas message it is a great comfort to us in these troubled times.

We look forward to your advice.

Best wishes,

Layla Moran (Mr,Mrs,Ms,Jnr,If it moves I’m on it) MP  by e-mail.


Dear Layla,

Fuck Off you Twat !

Do you have a Golfing problem.

Click here to contact “Uncle Nigel”

He is always here to help