Dear Uncle Nigel,
What a bloody year ! The anguish ! The disappointment ! The stupidity ! The mental health challenges !
But that’s enough about VAR.
Now Uncle Nigel,
Are we getting your Christmas message this year.
My Auntie Florrie insists that you and the Queen are firm friends and that she has often seen you in the background waving when the Queen does her Christmas speech.
Obviously Florrie has been in a home for many years now and we believe that she is a little over medicated most of the time but nevertheless she has a sharp eye for detail and this year we will be taking a closer look than normal when our Sovereign is on the telly.
Sherman down the pub has had a bet with me this year that there will be no official Christmas statement from you. I like a wager so I have taken his bet and, no pressure, but we are talking £1.80 here so don’t let me down.
Meanwhile what is Boris doing ? Did you see his hair when he was talking with that European woman ? Who cut it ? One of his security guards , blood oaf !
Can you give us some advice on post Brexit food shortages please.
Old Hans, who is a regular at Thursday Film Club, is from Germany and he says that the U Boats will be out again, that will be the third time !
Apparently they hid some away at the end of hostilities in 1945 ready for an occasion just like this.
He reckons we will be starved into submission by August.
He says it would be earlier but they will relax the blockade during the delayed Euros giving the German team just enough time to beat us in the final at Wembley.
Double whammy !!!
So the prospects for 2021 don’t look good Nige.
We are looking to you for some much needed uplifting so we look forward to your Christmas message even more this year.
It will be like a jab in the arm for the Nation !!! See what I did there ?
The Seasons Greetings to you.
Lord Frost. By e-mail.
Fuck Off you Twat !