Dear Uncle Nigel,

Where is your New Year message ?

In these times of uncertainty and with the added sadness of a late Liverpool goal to contend with, my wife and I were looking forward to a cheering but  sombre  message from your good self to help us through the final hours of 2017.

But what have we seen, nothing , that’s what !

As you are aware it has been a difficult year for us normal people what with all the austerity and that stuff. We have had to make sacrifices !

This year we only went to New York the once, just 7 days in Portugal, the France trip was cut short and Prague was just a short weekend, no Bali and the Seychelles was right out !

These are difficult times.

Nurse Jones , at the clinic, says that there is no festive message because you don’t exist and that I should stop taking the red pills. Obviously Nurse Jones can’t be trusted to lance a bloody boil but she may have a point.

Since you had a head transplant this year you could  be carrying on as a completely different person !

How would we know ?

My wife says that you are a busy man with international responsibilities and with massive financial dependencies to manage but she also thinks that Co Co the Clown sells perfume !!

I remain a loyal supporter and look forward to your pithy response to this epistle.

Yours faithfully,

Bishop Paul Bayes (Mrs) Liverpool – by e-mail full address supplied – well the address of the church he goes to on Sundays.




Nigel Says :

Dear Bish,

Fuck Off You Twat !

Ps. Happy New Year.

PPs Nice Cathedral.


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