Dear Uncle Nigel,

I and my wives are very keen followers of the Golf Ok tour and in particular your own stella career as a glofer.

We have just been informed that once again you are favourite to win this years Portugal Tour.

How do you do it ?

Is it your superb glof swing ? Is it your poise and balance and power ?

Wife 3 says that you are just a spawny lucky bastard and that you have about as much skill as a hippopotamus’s bum !

Roderick my Minister of Internal stuff  says that this is harsh and an unnecessary criticism of a sporting legend. But Moira, his concubine,  has pointed out that Roderick is a complete moron and can’t tie his own shoe laces. (Strangely we haven’t seen much of Moira lately ?)

Personally I like to think of you as an icon, not that I understand what that means, but everyone was impressed when I said it !

We all look forward to your pithy response and of course wish you and the other idiots the best of luck in the Algarve, where ever that is ?

Meanwhile here in Brunei we are looking forward to our regular Friday Cross Dressing Night at the Black Swan. With the new laws I have just made up this could be quite a night !!

All the best,

Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah , by e mail.




Dear Sultan,

Fuck Off you twat !

Ps; What are you like !






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