Dear Uncle Nigel,
I and my wives are very keen followers of the Golf Ok tour and in particular your own stella career as a glofer.
We have just been informed that once again you are favourite to win this years Portugal Tour.
How do you do it ?
Is it your superb glof swing ? Is it your poise and balance and power ?
Wife 3 says that you are just a spawny lucky bastard and that you have about as much skill as a hippopotamus’s bum !
Roderick my Minister of Internal stuff says that this is harsh and an unnecessary criticism of a sporting legend. But Moira, his concubine, has pointed out that Roderick is a complete moron and can’t tie his own shoe laces. (Strangely we haven’t seen much of Moira lately ?)
Personally I like to think of you as an icon, not that I understand what that means, but everyone was impressed when I said it !
We all look forward to your pithy response and of course wish you and the other idiots the best of luck in the Algarve, where ever that is ?
Meanwhile here in Brunei we are looking forward to our regular Friday Cross Dressing Night at the Black Swan. With the new laws I have just made up this could be quite a night !!
All the best,
Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah , by e mail.
Fuck Off you twat !
Ps; What are you like !