Dear Uncle Nigel,
I have just heard that the boy Boris has done a deal with the foreigners in Europland, wherever that is.
Everyone is saying that this is a good thing, well me and the wife are not so sure.
Does this mean that we can keep the Queen ?
We were told by a chap called Farage that these foreigners would stop us having the Queen if we didn’t get out of Europland.
Well have we got out and who are these foreigners anyway, coming round here telling us what to do ?
My friend Eric down the pub has a Polish wife and he says that if we get out then she has to go home, which would make him very happy.
What about Mr Patel at the corner shop ? Has he got to go home ? I don’t think he comes from Poland ?
And what about the Irish ? Eric says that the border will be in the middle of the Irish sea ? Sounds a bit silly ? Will there be lots of boats with customs men on them ?
The wife saw in the paper that Boris says that this will be a new Golden Age ! Well that sounds good.
Can you tell us what that means ? Do we get the Empire back ? Will we all win the lottery ?
Me and the wife can’t remember what was so bad before all this stuff started happening, we remember things being Ok for ages and ages ? Did we have another war ? Was it the Germans again ?
We depend on you to tells us whats going on Uncle Nigel, Help !
Yours in a panic,
Nick Soames MP – By e-mail
Fuck Off you Twat !