> Low Battery
> A man saved his girlfriend’s phone number on his mobile as ‘Low
> Battery’. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the
> phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal.

> Government Survey
> A government survey has shown that 91 percent of illegal immigrants
> come to the UK so that they can see their own doctor

> I’ve just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the missus look
> like she’s moving during intercourse.

> Two Thai girls asked me if I’d like to go bed with them; they said it
> would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all
> stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

> Such an unfair world: When a man talks dirty to a woman it’s considered
> sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $2.50/min
> (charges may vary).
> Valentine’s Day
> Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to
> end in tears though; she’s lousy at snooker.

> Got a new Jack Russell pup today. He’s mainly black and brown with just
> a small white area. I’ve called him England

> If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins
> of ham then delete it. It’s spam.

> They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I’m
> wrong, but I don’t think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is
> going to shift this beer belly.