In a sun drenched Vilamoura the crowds were on the streets rioting for more food celebrating MK Seve’s 2019 Portugal Tour victory.

This stunning sporting achievement was hailed across the sporting world as a complete travesty of spawny luck a testament to MK’s commitment and skill.

MK made a steady start with solid rounds at Pinhal and Laguna he then stretched into the lead on the 3rd day at Vale Da Pinta shooting 34 points.

Vila Sol, as it always does, brought him down to earth but a steady day at Silves set him up for a final round at Millennium of 35 winning points.


MK was  upbeat but as modest ever in victory:


“Done it again ! Up Yours ! ” He jeered to his fellow competitors.

“No , I mean ….What a great competition , what a great bunch of professionals ! I would like to dedicate this victory to the poor and needy in the world.

There are more important things in this world than winning a golf tournament. I have worked hard on my game and it gives me great pleasure in achieving yet another major victory , Thank you all. So much.


I wish they would all clear off so we can have a beer ! oops”


Nigel Carby in second place was also pleased with the result:


“Did you see what my handicap was ? Eh ! Bloody 16 , at my club in the Andes I play of 29, this is a travesty, whatever that means ! And they were not my pants, in fact what pants ?”


Former Champion Lord Chilly of Ozerlam who stunned the field with a 36 pointer around Silves spoke to the excited crowd:


“Great Golf, Great Competition, The Sun shone on the righteous and I did’nt throw my clubs in the lagoon, which is a result. Next year I am hoping to play more table football !”


4th place man Hoppy Dearsley was less than complimentary:

“They stole my wedge, my head covers are gone, Driver is rattling and then two days of trots, now that’s what I call a golf competition !”


The last word came from Ryan Kowal and his twin brother Liam :

“Black Hats ! White Hats ! Brandy, Super Bock, I now understand the concept of International Men Of Mystery, wish I had written some of it down !”


6th, 7th and 8th place competitors Mick R, Tony and Monty were not available for comment as they were being interviewed by the local police concerning an “incident” at Faro airport earlier in the week, although Mick R did comment briefly:

“They were his pants !”






MK Seve with the Tournament Shield moments before his arrest.






Full results will be published shorty.