Portugal 2020


Pretty Allis reports


“Tell me, Jugostanitch, What is your opinion of the raging dispute over the threatened suspension of Portugal 2020?”


“Ah, vell, ya. Ist all a load of…..”


“Sssshhhhh.” Says Allis trying to edit out a deformity.


“Shorrox!” Shouted Jugostitch.




“Ya, ziss Shorrox vants to steal my trophy. Never heard of him. Vere does he come from? Vitch country? Must be Russia or zumzing. Vell  zere is no Russion tour so he has no status. So Shorrox cannot enter Portugal 2020 verever he vants to vucking live.”


“Do I take it you are claiming the trophy ‘in absentia.”


Jugostanitch stands and shouts louder. “Vaht? I deny it. I never drink that filty stuff.”


“What do you think should happen now?”


Jugostanitch taps his nose with his forefinger.  “Aha. Ya. Ziss is very simple. Very very simple. The competition ist delayed till 2021.” He announces with a self satisfied smile.


“But then there will be a gap in the records.”



“Vhy not….er…Why not?”


“You are so very stupid. The 2020 competition vill be played in 2021. Ha. Ist very simple, ya?” Another smile.


“But then the 2021 competition will not be played?”


“Ya, it vill.” He shouts.” It vill be played in 2022. 2022 in 2023 and 2023 in 2024. Very simple, you stupid Englishman.”


“I see. Are you expecting a hat trick?”


Jugostanitch looks amazed. “Ziss hat trick thing again? You asked me that once before. Sure, carry on. Buy vere ist your hat? Ah, I know. It has disappeared already. Ha, very clever.” He laughs and laughs and laughs.


Pretty Allis desperately tries to remain clam. He asks, very slowly, “Do ….you …hope …to ..win…in… three…. consecutive… years?”


Jugostanitch stands, stomps up and down and shouts louder than ever and completely loses his temper. “Of course not, you stupid man. 2020 vill not happen in 2020 so vhy do you ask such a vucking stupid question.”


Allis returns to the competition. “Whenever the 2020 competition is played are you expecting any trouble at the Airport?”


“Vaht?” He shouts in red faced rage.” Zat vas not me, Zat vas zum stupid airport man. Zat vas not my vault.”


He lamps Allis on the chin and storms out.