It was the 2018 Lincolnshire Papers Classic Part 2 and a massive turn out of golf professionals, probably the most talented group of individuals to take to the first tee at Rugby Golf Club for at least 3 minutes, in fact just after the local special needs old peoples club had set off on their yearly “nature trip”.

The players had come from far and very far with the mighty Mikey Von Denzel flying in from the USA, (well that’s where they told him he was) and Nigel Carby and Tony Bryan treking south from Newark (wherever that is ?). The rest of the field were the very best that could be mustered from the local park at short notice.

The winner or El Bandito or Twat Head, depending on who you talk to, was the very talented Tony Bryan. Sadly in the winners enclosure a small altercation broke out when a few of the more highly strung competitors became quite tense with shouts of “Twenty who ! – Call them trousers ! and Oi Shit Head Get the beers in !” .

The presentation passed without violence but the handicap committee have been forced to join the local witness protection program.

Mr Bryan had a few words to sum up his astonishing score:


“It put this victory down to my new Bionic Trousers – I am trying them out for the UBER corporation as part of their research into driver-less underpants. I think they will catch on but they may have to do something about the $2,000 price tag and eeeeerrr… the chaffing.”


The next Lincolnshire Papers Classic will be scheduled in 2019.