Dear Uncle Nigel – A man short !
Dear Uncle Nigel,
It is with trepidation that I write to you in these troubled times.
Conflict in Ukraine ! Madness in the Middle East ! and worst still our local is charging £6 a pint !
The next thing I then hear is that the Portugal Tour could be short of a Player in 2024.
In the words of the younger people WTF is happening.
Surely there must be a fine upstanding , keen golfer and all round sportsman who could make up the numbers. Boris Johnson has fuck all to do nowadays and he is such a twat he would easily fit in.
Then there is the boy Schofield , who, again , is sitting at home twiddling (let’s not go there). Mind you who will want to share a room with Phil !
Daniel Craig is out of work now Bond has been killed off, now he is a lad who is “up for the tour !!” . I hear he is totally crap at golf, so no issue there !
And of course Michael Cane has retired from the movies so what a great addition he would make ! I have even heard that he despises golf and would rather stick pins in his own eyes, once again a perfect match !!!
Come on Nige sort this one out, with your connections the possibilities are endless.
Even I , if asked , could be available. (Give me a call xx)
All the best,
Tom
(Mr Cruise personally signed this email before it was sent by his PA)
Dear Tom,
Fuck Off You Twat !
PS: Any chance of a part in Mission Impossible 23 ?
