Todays’ Bank Holiday press conference was a hurried affair as Paul H, known to his adoring fans as Monty Monty, officially withdrew from the 2023 Portugal Tour.
“The problem is an old re occurring injury in my right wrist.” Monty stated as he addressed the eager press correspondents from MK Seve’s luxury compound somewhere in The Seychelles.
“I have been with specialists all week, some of them Doctors, who have urged me not to play to avoid further complications.
They were not so worried about the golf situation but more that the strain of lifting multiple pints of Super Bock from table to mouth which could be disastrous !”
Doctor Biff , who was attending the Press Conference in his official medical capacity, brought some insights to the proceedings:
“The current thinking is that this could be a continuing injury stemming from the infamous “Stuck In A Hedge” incident from 2017, or was it 18 ?
We have been running tests over the weekend involving Nurses and a few friends who like that sort of thing and when we had finished that we looked at Monty’s hand.
Yep as we though no golf for this chap for a while ! “
Monty confirmed that depending on Doctors orders he may attend the Tour as a spectator and Super Bock Ambassador in order to keep Super Bock consumption at the levels expected by this major tournament sponsor.
At this point MK Seve re appeared with a major announcement:
“Gentlemen of the press and Tour fans I can at this point reveal the name of the player who has stepped in to fill Monty’s rather large shoes and it is a newcomer to the Tour, Mr Tony Dearsley, and before you ask I have no idea if he is related to any of the other Tour players.
Tony, who apparently is an experienced sports person, and he has played golf , we understand , on 2 or 3 occasions over the last couple of weeks, just to get the hang of it.
More will be revealed about this change in personnel later and in particular how it will affect one of my own personal favourite competitions “The Concessionaires Cup” “
And with that bombshell MK hobbled off the stage accompanied by his own medical team.
The Portugal Tour 2023 commences on 10th May at The Millennium Club, somewhere in Portugal.
NO THRILLS HERE !
