They flew in, they drove in ! Some sauntered in ! But they arrived . Competitors, Gladiators, Champions one and all ! But here they were in Vilamoura to play Golf !
Yes it was the 2025 Portugal Tour, this year once again sponsored by SEVE BET , the “Cash Only” on-line betting Site.
Unusually pre tournament socialisation took place as many of the Players arrived just in time to enjoy the Super Bock hospitality suite. The Players mingled with fans, or strangers who wandered into the bar, and tuna and mayonnaise sandwiches were liberally distributed. Later in the day the Chairman MK Seve gave his opening address as scheduled. Sadly by this time the afternoon Super Bock had kicked in and although the pre-tournament briefing went well no one could remember what actually occurred.
Early the next day new and old faces stood ready on the first tee at Pinhal Golf Club as Hoppy Dearsley, 2024 Champion, hit the first ball like an arrow straight into the waiting trees. They were off !
Day 1 saw newbie Dougie Ogilvie stun the field with , what can only be called, spawny golf, as he slammed in 32 points to take the opening round. With an average score of 25.38 points the Players were not quite on song on day 1 but with 5 days ahead of them expectation hung in the air. Or was that Carby again ?
Day 2 was the challenge of Millennium. Tournament leader Ogilvie had to endure some completely unnecessary abuse as he took to the tee, terms such as Ringer ! Dearsley’s Bandit Mate ! were unkindly heard but Ogilvie moved into his “Red Mist ” mode and proceeded to demonstrate the untruth of such remarks.
During the Millennium back 9 disaster almost struck as, Chairman and Seve Bet owner, MK Seve, strangely stumbled whilst entering a bunker on the short 15th. The other Players moved in to give assistance as MK almost disappeared into the soft sand. MK , who is a highly trained expert in bunker escape techniques, sprung into action using his well developed rowing manoeuvre which eventually saw him rise out of the bunker and back on the green almost without a blemish. MK was seen grinning in defiance as he pluckily cocked a snoot at the guilty bunker.
The round continued without major incident and last years Champion, Dearsley and Julian Winch, on his second Tour, dominating Day 2. Dearsley took the “IF Classic” one point ahead of Julian with Dougie in 3rd.
Day 3 , as ever , saw the Players head to Vale da Pinta to meet with the Shorrock’s Tour contingent and the start of the Super Bock Handicap Steaks (this well loved event will be described elsewhere). On arrival at Pinta panic ensued when the rumour that there was a Buggy shortage turned out to be true.
After an hours delay whilst “the Buggy King” Roberto did his stuff, the buggys were eventually fuelled up , stocked with water and day 3 got underway.
The day was very windy and in these intense conditions scoring was below par as were some of the Players as continued Super Bock abuse took it’s toll. Nigel Carby was back on the Leaderboard with 31 points and MK Seve showing his form in 2nd place and Dearsley in 3rd taking the first 3 days Portugos Classico competition by 3 points.
Following a day of rest and recuperation the Players were more than ready for a trip to The Salgados Water Sports and Sailing Club which luckily also has a golf course. As ever water wings , life jackets, whistles and flares were distributed and the 8 (12 actually) set off on Day 4 in what can only be described as an aquatic adventure.
After 10 holes of Salgados Julian was in a state of shock and had to be carried off by a number of passing sailors and wrens. Dougie, having lost all of his and two other players’ golf balls was distraught and required counselling whilst Chilly raised himself above these dramatic events and banged in 32 points taking the day ahead of Monty, on the board at last in 2nd, and Dearsley in 3rd.
Day 5 was Laguna. The day started with major transportation issues as MK Seve’s “Zit Autos” company (not a money laundering outfit at all ) supplied hire cars decided to not work ! MK swept into action demanding replacements and arrived on the Tee with seconds to spare as the day got underway. Unfortunately the replacement car didn’t work either but that is another story.
The players started on the 10th Tee and the sun shone down the wind blew and everything looked rosy although dark clouds were gathering.
The first 9 holes unfolded nicely Tony D , who was still celebrating his first 3 days Par 3 win, was coping with the water, trees , bunkers and super fast greens very well when, as a keen weather watcher, he pointed out to the other Players that “a bloody huge thunderstorm was coming”. The other Players scoffed , “Ha , no chance !” and then the sky darkened and down it came ! Torrential Rain , thunder , lightning !
Obviously for the worldly , brave and intrepid Players this was no cause for concern so the all cleverly ran like frightened nuns for the club house.
Dramatic was the word of the day , no major injuries but on a lighter note MK Seve was, unexpectedly, awarded the “Mr Wet T Shirt” title by some passing nymphomaniacs.
At Laguna only 15 holes were completed and so handicap calculations became so complex General Secretary Hoppy Dearsley had to use both adding up and taking away to solve the problems.
After much consideration the day went to Dougie , returning from his earlier “Red Mist” moments, with Chilly in 2nd and Nigel in 3rd meaning that Chilly had grabbed the Peter Crowhurst Celebration Trophy for the 5th time
This set up the Final encounter at Pinhal on day 6. Chilly in front by 4 points, Monty in 2nd place with Dearsley and Carby tied 5 shots off the lead.
On the morning of the final round the rain had completely disappeared the sun shone and Julian had retuned to some form of normality as he teed off with the Gardening Club looking for that last moment of glory.
Chilly was on solid form and held his nerve whilst the chasing pack struggled with very tricky greens, pesky trees and bloody bunkers. Monty was on track for his highest finish to date but Dearsley and Carby could not stand the heat and fell away on the back 9.
As the Players arrived at the 18th Chilly had it in the bag, Monty was elated with 2nd place and even Julian was celebrating as he took the last day with an impressive 35 points. Dougie had pulled himself into 5th and Tony D was comfortable with 7th place, another first !
The prize giving was well attended and MK Seve addressed the waiting press:
“Well Gentlemen , here we are again. Another wonderfully successful tour enjoyed by almost everyone, obviously I am still somewhat traumatised by my bunker incident and transportation issues but I am elated to see Chilly Entwistle has taken the Championship once again !
I believe that all the new, regular and returning Players have shown us some stunning golf shots, and I thank the golf ball companies for shipping in extra supplies just in time to allow the tournament to run smoothly.
My personal thanks go to President Trump for giving us something to laugh about when the going got tough and I look forward to the 2026 event. Gentlemen, may your God go with you ! “
And with those closing remarks the celebrations began !
THE RESULTS IN FULL.
Sadly the Laguna round was marred by a Turtle pitch invasion !
